I woke up at 6:00 this morning and was in the throes of a nocturnal panic attack. I don't know how or why they start while I'm sleeping, and doctors don't either. That's neither here nor there, though. As my lungs struggled to take in air and my mind raced, I thought about my children. I thought about how incredibly fast time goes, and how precious this time is. I thought about how my big kids are truly that, first graders who are seemingly needing me less and less all the time. My little guy is a year and a half old, and more and more of the baby in him slips away each day. My three little bears, my heart, my life. Time just slips through my fingers and it's a battle to make each moment count.
So, though I have a mountain of homework and housework and my job and so on and so forth, today we will be making something together, reading something together, and just plain playing together and having fun. Each and every day, my husband and I tell our children how much we love them, how proud of them we are, and that they are the most important people in the world to us, and they always will be, no matter what. Today, I want them to see that in action. No school due to conferences for the big ones, so we'll start with an all day pajama party, and on this cold and dreary day, we'll make some family memories. My husband and I both fondly remember snow days and hot chocolate and cookies and family game nights with our own parents and brothers. These are the warm fuzzies--the cup of tea and good book, wrapped in a warm blanket with nowhere else to be and nothing else to do, kind of memories.
These are the kind of days that live in our hearts.
It takes both sunshine and rainy days to make a Rainbow
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I Need...
I Need...
...to get through this crazy year of school! '
...to remember to have thick skin. It's okay to not be able to please everybody. It would be great if we could ALL realize that.
...to plan my time better.
...to continue on with the organizing kick I've been on lately. It makes life so much easier!
...to exercise more. It makes me feel better all around, keeps my stress in check, and gives me an outlet for my energy...when I actually have energy. Of course, working out more gives me more energy, so I need to remember that as well!
...to enjoy the little things.
...to breathe. Namaste.
...to get through this crazy year of school! '
...to remember to have thick skin. It's okay to not be able to please everybody. It would be great if we could ALL realize that.
...to plan my time better.
...to continue on with the organizing kick I've been on lately. It makes life so much easier!
...to exercise more. It makes me feel better all around, keeps my stress in check, and gives me an outlet for my energy...when I actually have energy. Of course, working out more gives me more energy, so I need to remember that as well!
...to enjoy the little things.
...to breathe. Namaste.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Here We Go Again!
I really need to keep up with my blog. I've written on scraps of paper, and I can't even tell you where they are right now. I should have a notebook or a journal. I used to journal all of the time. I carried my journal with me constantly in high school. Well, things are just a wee bit crazier in my life than they used to be, and so the writing doesn't always happen like it should.
This will be disorganized, and the writing will be personal rather than poetic or technical, but this is me jumping back in and getting my feet wet.
I'm at an exciting time in life, and as I've mentioned before, I love my late 20s. It's so much easier being 28 than it was to be 18, 21, 24...I figure myself out more and more each day. I like who I am. My husband is my best friend, but I had to go through absolute crap to get to him. Now I cannot picture my life without him in it. My kids are at really fun and interesting ages, and they're all so smart and fun to be around. I have wonderful family and friends, and I am so blessed in that respect.
I have major things to worry and stress about and wake up in the middle of the night several times a week having a panic attack over...but many of us do. Life has to go on, so you deal with it, and you make it work. I have been getting better at this. I have to work at it, but I don't let things get to me as much as I used to, and I'm proud of my progression.
This is my final year in school to become an Occupational Therapy Assistant. I want to become an Occupational Therapist, but that requires a Master's degree. I'm starting here so I can get to work, gain experience in the field, and work more directly with people. I can apply for the Master's program after a year in the field, and it will require more hard work and sacrifice--but I am so beyond excited that this is the career path I've chosen. This is the perfect fit for me. It took me a long time to get here, but the combination of being an educator, a counselor, a nurse, and more--PERFECT career for me. I considered all of those fields, but I always knew they weren't quite right. This is for me, without a doubt. The holistic approach, the diversity of patients, the opportunities--the helping people--this is for me. I am nearly in tears writing this because it means so much to me that I've finally found the direction my life is meant to take. I will truly be making a difference, and I can't ask for more than that.
The classroom hours are long, the fieldwork includes travel and being away from my family, and the workload is intense. But we as a family are going to make it work, and it'll all be worth it when all is said and done. Without a doubt.
So I thank my husband, for being an amazing partner and father, and working with me to make this dream of mine a reality while he goes to school full time as well to fulfill his dream of being an educator. I thank my children, for being understanding when I'm tired, busy with schoolwork, or have to be gone for a few days for fieldwork. This is for their future, just as much as it is for mine. They know, because we tell them every day, that they are the most important people in the world to Mom and Dad. They know that everything we do is for them, and so we're teaching them to be tolerant of the time we have to do what we have to do so that they can have the best life we can give them, just as our parents did for us--which is why I thank them too. It may have taken my husband and myself a little while to find our paths, but we wouldn't be the people we are without our families.
I thank all of my extended family members who helped me throughout the years, my aunts and uncles who drove home the importance of reading, of traveling, of family support.
I thank my grandparents. My grandma has been gone since May 28, 2011, but I know she's always watching. She inspired me to choose this path, and the tears that threatened to fall earlier do now as I write this. She's absolutely my angel, and was just as much as when she was on this earth as she is now.
I am so blessed, and motivated, and passionate about being the best I can be, and helping as many people as I can. When it comes down to it, we are all in this together in this crazy world, and if we can make it just a little bit easier for our fellow humans, why wouldn't we?
I'm definitely on the right path. Now I just need to buckle up for the bumps ahead, and remember to enjoy the ride.
This will be disorganized, and the writing will be personal rather than poetic or technical, but this is me jumping back in and getting my feet wet.
I'm at an exciting time in life, and as I've mentioned before, I love my late 20s. It's so much easier being 28 than it was to be 18, 21, 24...I figure myself out more and more each day. I like who I am. My husband is my best friend, but I had to go through absolute crap to get to him. Now I cannot picture my life without him in it. My kids are at really fun and interesting ages, and they're all so smart and fun to be around. I have wonderful family and friends, and I am so blessed in that respect.
I have major things to worry and stress about and wake up in the middle of the night several times a week having a panic attack over...but many of us do. Life has to go on, so you deal with it, and you make it work. I have been getting better at this. I have to work at it, but I don't let things get to me as much as I used to, and I'm proud of my progression.
This is my final year in school to become an Occupational Therapy Assistant. I want to become an Occupational Therapist, but that requires a Master's degree. I'm starting here so I can get to work, gain experience in the field, and work more directly with people. I can apply for the Master's program after a year in the field, and it will require more hard work and sacrifice--but I am so beyond excited that this is the career path I've chosen. This is the perfect fit for me. It took me a long time to get here, but the combination of being an educator, a counselor, a nurse, and more--PERFECT career for me. I considered all of those fields, but I always knew they weren't quite right. This is for me, without a doubt. The holistic approach, the diversity of patients, the opportunities--the helping people--this is for me. I am nearly in tears writing this because it means so much to me that I've finally found the direction my life is meant to take. I will truly be making a difference, and I can't ask for more than that.
The classroom hours are long, the fieldwork includes travel and being away from my family, and the workload is intense. But we as a family are going to make it work, and it'll all be worth it when all is said and done. Without a doubt.
So I thank my husband, for being an amazing partner and father, and working with me to make this dream of mine a reality while he goes to school full time as well to fulfill his dream of being an educator. I thank my children, for being understanding when I'm tired, busy with schoolwork, or have to be gone for a few days for fieldwork. This is for their future, just as much as it is for mine. They know, because we tell them every day, that they are the most important people in the world to Mom and Dad. They know that everything we do is for them, and so we're teaching them to be tolerant of the time we have to do what we have to do so that they can have the best life we can give them, just as our parents did for us--which is why I thank them too. It may have taken my husband and myself a little while to find our paths, but we wouldn't be the people we are without our families.
I thank all of my extended family members who helped me throughout the years, my aunts and uncles who drove home the importance of reading, of traveling, of family support.
I thank my grandparents. My grandma has been gone since May 28, 2011, but I know she's always watching. She inspired me to choose this path, and the tears that threatened to fall earlier do now as I write this. She's absolutely my angel, and was just as much as when she was on this earth as she is now.
I am so blessed, and motivated, and passionate about being the best I can be, and helping as many people as I can. When it comes down to it, we are all in this together in this crazy world, and if we can make it just a little bit easier for our fellow humans, why wouldn't we?
I'm definitely on the right path. Now I just need to buckle up for the bumps ahead, and remember to enjoy the ride.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Living in Fear
Once again, life got in the way, and I neglected the blog for several months. That's okay. I'll start from right now.
I had a facebook post recently about the things people complain about. It's a pet peeve. I understand life's little annoyances, but a little perspective is never a bad thing. My family is in the best place it's been yet as far as general life stuff. School, work, family, home, health, it's all fantastic. I am beyond grateful for all of this. This is the stuff that matters.
However, this is also a terrible time for us. I wonder what it's like to NOT have to live in fear. I wonder what it's like to be able to share pictures of your family and joyous occasions on social media sites. I wonder what it's like to not have to look over your shoulder everywhere you go. There's someone who wishes us harm, who's trying to find us. And he's close. I don't want to go into more detail right now. I'm just trying to be strong.
I had a facebook post recently about the things people complain about. It's a pet peeve. I understand life's little annoyances, but a little perspective is never a bad thing. My family is in the best place it's been yet as far as general life stuff. School, work, family, home, health, it's all fantastic. I am beyond grateful for all of this. This is the stuff that matters.
However, this is also a terrible time for us. I wonder what it's like to NOT have to live in fear. I wonder what it's like to be able to share pictures of your family and joyous occasions on social media sites. I wonder what it's like to not have to look over your shoulder everywhere you go. There's someone who wishes us harm, who's trying to find us. And he's close. I don't want to go into more detail right now. I'm just trying to be strong.
Monday, January 16, 2012
ADD...Sort of...
I have a confession.
I have career ADD.
Those of you who know me will laugh, because I really have changed my mind a thousand times. I'm excited for the degree I'm currently pursuing, but I'm already thinking beyond that. The reason I got my A.A., and am now pursuing a career for which I need an A.A.S., is because I want to do so many things in this life. I used to think I would get a Master's or Doctorate in whatever (it's been a million different things since childhood)...but I realized that I have so many diverse interests, it would be foolish to limit myself too much.
The other thing? I LOVE school. Absolutely adore being a student. I'm only slightly looking forward to having the summer off (phase two of my program doesn't begin until the fall semester, as many Allied health programs are apt). I would take more classes just for fun this semester, but I've already taken so many credits that my school has limited the amount of financial aid I have left (for the record, this makes sense from a financial standpoint, but pisses me off from a scholarly one).
I'll finish this degree, and hopefully be able to get a job in my field fairly quickly after graduation. After a few years though, I know I'll be itching for my next career conquest.
I look forward to constant change and freshness. I want to make a big difference in this world, and I am confident that I will--even if that just means for a few people--or a few million.
The future is mine.
I have career ADD.
Those of you who know me will laugh, because I really have changed my mind a thousand times. I'm excited for the degree I'm currently pursuing, but I'm already thinking beyond that. The reason I got my A.A., and am now pursuing a career for which I need an A.A.S., is because I want to do so many things in this life. I used to think I would get a Master's or Doctorate in whatever (it's been a million different things since childhood)...but I realized that I have so many diverse interests, it would be foolish to limit myself too much.
The other thing? I LOVE school. Absolutely adore being a student. I'm only slightly looking forward to having the summer off (phase two of my program doesn't begin until the fall semester, as many Allied health programs are apt). I would take more classes just for fun this semester, but I've already taken so many credits that my school has limited the amount of financial aid I have left (for the record, this makes sense from a financial standpoint, but pisses me off from a scholarly one).
I'll finish this degree, and hopefully be able to get a job in my field fairly quickly after graduation. After a few years though, I know I'll be itching for my next career conquest.
I look forward to constant change and freshness. I want to make a big difference in this world, and I am confident that I will--even if that just means for a few people--or a few million.
The future is mine.
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