Avoidance

I've been avoiding you.

Well, not you. I think about you everyday, often many times throughout the day.

I think about you when things are going well, and I think about you when they're not.

I remember. And I'm doing you a disservice by not putting it all down, here, where I write about the things that are important to me.

I can't yet.

I can't face the emotions that will come with writing it all down. I can't dredge it all up yet, or I might crumble. I mean, just writing this, the tears are streaming down my cheeks and my heart is in my throat.

And so, I avoid, avoid, avoid.

I hope you understand. When the time comes that I can handle it, I promise, I'll let it out. I'll put it all down. I'll share the story of the strongest, most beautiful soul I've ever known. The story of my angel.

I miss you so very, very much, Grandma. I love you.